Cultivate Hospitality | How to Love Your Neighbor
“Show hospitality to one another without grumbling.” 1 Peter 4:9 ESV
Cultivate Hospitality | How to Love Your Neighbor
So far in my Cultivate series we’ve explored ways to tend our Financial Security, Marriage, Spiritual Growth, and now one of my favorite topics, how to Cultivate Hospitality. I believe there is a great deal of confusion, faulty thinking, and wrong motivation surrounding this topic. Therefore, let’s start on the ground level.
What Exactly is Hospitality?
Hospitality Definition
“The friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers.
Synonyms: friendliness, warm reception, welcome, helpfulness, neighborliness, warmth, kindness, congeniality, geniality, cordiality, courtesy, amenability, generosity.”–Dictionary.com
“In the ancient world, to share food with someone was to share life.”–Baker’s Dictionary of Evangelical Biblical Theology
Hospitality is Inviting Someone to Share Life
Rushing furiously about the house to make it perfect. Fretting as you try to prepare a fancy dinner. Sighing in frustration over signs of normal living, becoming exasperated at family members who aren’t quick enough at pitching in to make everything just so before the doorbell rings.
We’ve all been there. Or maybe it’s just me? No, I didn’t think so.
It’s so easy to completely miss the point. We aren’t inviting people into our home to impress them with our decorating, cooking, and organizing skills. Or if we are inviting them over for that purpose, we shouldn’t be. We invite people over because we are called by God to share life, to build community, to encourage and uplift.
The purpose isn’t to say, Look at me! I’ve got it all together! No, it’s about inviting others into our life. I see you. I welcome you. I accept you right where you are.
I think we tend to get stuck on the idea that being hospitable means inviting someone over for dinner, but that’s just one way among many. Hospitality can happen anywhere, in whatever circumstances you find yourself. We’ll delve more into that in future weeks, but for now I’d like to share three hospitality stories: two positive, one negative.
Two “Do”s and a “Don’t”
1. Do! Cultivate Hospitality by Taking the Initiative
We’ve moved around a lot, and our first order of business was to find a church home. In Florida, we found a church we liked, but we weren’t really connecting with anyone. My husband and I frequently discussed and lamented this fact. About six months into our sojourn there, another new family joined.
They immediately began inviting people into their home. I don’t think they were even completely unpacked, but that didn’t deter them. Small groups, larger groups, the Youth Group, the Young Adult Sunday school class, every visitor to the church…we all found a welcome in the Watson home.
Within a couple months, my husband marveled to me that the entire atmosphere of the church had changed. One hospitable couple made a difference. So…if people aren’t inviting you, welcoming you, taking initiative…you be the one to reach out.
2. Do! Be a Good Listener…and Bring Meatballs
At my husband’s first pastorate we received a warm welcome. We found the parsonage cupboards and fridge well-stocked with staples, which was a wonderful surprise. In that fridge, we found a huge bowl of ginormous, delicious meatballs. Not just any meatballs, but secret-recipe meatballs. The Italian wonder who created these meatballs is named Santa and you could not hope to find a more generous woman.
Every time I saw her she would give me a hug and ask me how I was, looking right into my eyes and whole-heartedly listening. “You want more meatballs? Any time you want some, you let me know.”
So, maybe you absolutely cannot have guests in your home. You can still offer hospitality by bringing food to people. Maybe you’re known for your brownies, or your peanut butter protein bites, or maybe you’ll learn to make authentic Italian meatballs. And if you can’t do that? Learn to be a good listener.
3. Don’t! The Big No: What Not to Do
Our friend’s husband was an Army Officer, and they moved even more frequently than we did. She shared with me that they had joined a church at their new duty station…and made no friends. People weren’t blatantly rude; they smiled and responded to chit chat. But no one reached out with any offer of friendship, or responded to my friend’s attempts.
After a year of this, my friend admitted to a church member that she was lonely. The sweet older woman replied, “Oh honey, we’ve learned our lesson with you military people. We know you’ll move soon, and if we let ourselves love you, you break our heart when you leave. So we keep our distance.”
No! No! No! This is not what Christ expects of His church.
Yes! You will be hurt when you love people. Yes, it’s hard to say goodbye. Yes, inviting people into our life is often messy, time consuming, and inconvenient. Let’s all make it our mission to thoroughly love whomever the Lord places in our path.
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?”
And he [Jesus] said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:36-39 ESV
You shall love your neighbor as yourself. That is the heart of hospitality.
I’m excited to share this Cultivate Hospitality series with you over the next weeks. We’ll be discussing ways to show hospitality, how to keep a hospitality-ready house, simple crowd-friendly recipes, and reviews of some of my favorite hospitality books–I have a collection!
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In the meantime, I have a book suggestion for you to begin with, and links to related posts. I’d love to hear your thoughts and suggestions concerning hospitality! Comment here, on any of my social media posts, or email me at kimturnermcculley@gmail.com.
Recommended Resource (affiliate link)
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Hi Kim – coming to you from this week’s Grace and Truth link up. What an inspirational blog post (and timely for me). My neighbor’s husband recently passed away, and it was sudden. Her family flooded in right after, but now all that has petered out (they were from Maryland). Now, it’s my turn. I have promised myself that I am going to love on this lady who is so far from her family. We had actually been cultivating a friendship with them before he died, but now it is even more important that we do so. Thanks for the reminder.
I’m sorry to hear of her loss. I love that you are planning to minister to her over the long term. I pray the Lord will richly bless you both.
“Let’s all make it our mission to thoroughly love whomever the Lord places in our path.” Yes! This is what I try to do. What a tragedy for that church who kept their distance from military people because they didn’t want to get hurt! We must be obedient to Jesus and offer hospitality in many ways. Thanks for your great suggestions! Blessings to you! I found you at the Grace & Truth linkup.
Thank you for commenting! I’m still distressed when I think of that church. I tell you what: they missed a huge blessing. They could have loved on a wonderful, giving, funny, servant-hearted family and been blessed a hundredfold for their efforts. Blessings to you as you minister this week.
Wow, your post struck a chord with me that brought a few tears and quite a few mixed feelings. I went from attempting to entertain with perfections to learning what was most important. I love having people over. I finally got it, and then things changed and having people over became a disruption our family found hard to manage. I have missed being able to offer hospitality in our home. But after reading your post, I realize I can still offer it in other ways, like bringing food. Thank you for linking up with Grace & Truth.
Thank YOU! You just encouraged me and made my day. Your blog encourages me; we have some shared experiences.
I love what you have said here. For such a long time I didn’t want to invite people over unless I knew everything could be perfect for my guests. Now I’ve come to realize that the fellowship and comfort you offer means more than matching servingware. Thank you for this! You’re blog is so lovely.
Thank you so much! I agree so much that the fellowship means more than matching dishes! I actually think it encourages people MORE when they see the real us; they are not intimidated and are more likely to be authentic.
This is one of my favorite posts. Congratulations on being highlighted on Grace and Truth!
Thank you! ☺️
Kim, loved the wisdom in this post! I’m trying to do better at hospitality. It’s always been stressful for me, but that’s because I have things that I need to let go of. I wonder how many lost opportunities my stress over having company has created through the years. Hopefully in the second half of my life I’ll be more open and worry much less about the house! Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for commenting. I agree that it can be stressful! I have to remind myself of my reasons and focus on the people I’m trying to serve. But I agree it can be challenging.
I love creating communities it’s something which in essence is about connection, love, sharing, offering support. Since my background is wellness, particularly mindfulness, healing, transformation and self development it has come in pretty handy to give simple tips for the individuals in the community.
Yes, I agree!